Feedback is a cornerstone of growth, but for many leaders, it’s also a blind spot. These strategies can help leaders develop the self-awareness and curiosity needed to take constructive feedback in their stride.

“Can I give you some feedback?” is a question that can make even the most confident person tense up.

Receiving critical feedback, even when it’s delivered constructively, can often trigger a sense of discomfort or defensiveness – especially when it’s perceived as challenging someone’s sense of competence or authority.

“It’s a normal response to get defensive towards constructive feedback,” says Shelley Johnson, founder of Boldside HR. “It can [trigger] our adrenal response, because it feels like a threat, even though we’re not physically unsafe.”

That reaction can be magnified in leadership roles, where power dynamics, legacy thinking and distance from day-to-day operations can dull leaders’ instincts to listen to feedback.

“I once worked for a CEO who said to me, ‘The higher up in an organisation you go, the less you know about the reality of what’s going on at the ground,’” says Johnson.

“As you progress into more senior roles, you get less feedback. It becomes less of a rhythm and less natural. And as a result, it might start to feel less normal when it comes up.”

For HR, this creates a dual challenge: coaching leaders to take feedback on board, and ensuring they’re getting the feedback they need in the first place. 

Below, Johnson offers practical advice for helping leaders seek out feedback, respond to it productively and cultivate the self-reflection that makes growth possible.

1. Overcoming the leadership feedback barrier

Given that seniority often creates a protective layer between leaders and honest feedback, HR’s first challenge is to help leaders recognise that distance and take deliberate steps to bridge it.

“If you lead a team, you have to proactively seek out feedback. Don’t assume people are just going to give it to you,” says Johnson.

However, leaders should be made aware that some methods of eliciting feedback are more effective than others.

“I would suggest that you avoid asking, ‘Do you have any feedback for me?’” she says. “It’s a bad question for two reasons: it’s a closed question, so most people are just going to say ‘No.’ It’s also way too broad. Instead, encourage leaders to get really skill-specific.”

For example, a leader might say: ‘I’m trying to grow in how I run one-on-ones. It’s really important to me, and I want to work on this. So at our next catch-up, can you tell me what was useful and what we could do differently?’

“What a leader is doing in that example is signaling to that employee that the one-on-ones is the leader’s focus,” says Johnson. “They don’t want feedback on just anything that comes to mind, because that’s too broad.”

Leaders who acknowledge their weak spots and invite feedback in this way set a powerful example of trust, self-awareness and psychosocial safety, she adds.

“The leader is showing vulnerability [by saying] that they know they’re not perfect, and they want to grow in these areas – and it gives the team permission to help them grow.”

“The issue with feedback is often not what the person said – it’s the meaning we assign to that that is problematic.” – Shelley Johnson, Founder, Boldside HR

2. Managing feedback resistance

Leaders resist feedback for a variety of reasons – overconfidence, fear of losing face or simply a lack of practice in receiving it.

To coach leaders through feedback resistance, Johnson says HR first need to understand where the resistance is coming from and help leaders recognise it in themselves.

For example, there might be a leader who consistently gets feedback that they interrupt others during discussions. Rather than taking this on board, they might become defensive and insist they are simply being direct and ensuring things move quickly.

“In [these situations], where some people go wrong is doubling down and focusing on the surface issue,” says Johnson. “The actual issue you need to solve first is defensiveness to feedback.

“The way I would frame this is by saying, ‘We want to support you and help you grow as a manager. And if we don’t tackle this issue, it is going to undermine your performance in every area.’ You’ve got to talk to that person’s aspiration – if their aspiration is to be a great leader, we’d say, ‘Okay, let’s talk about the thing that’s going to stop you from getting there.’”

When delivering feedback to a leader, choosing constructive language is crucial to avoid resistance or defensiveness. For example, feedback should be specific rather than vague, neutral rather than personal and behaviour-based rather than label-based.

“Avoid absolute statements, and avoid projecting the problem onto them.” 

Here are some examples of simple language shifts that can transform how feedback is received:

As well as using constructive language, HR can encourage leaders to reflect on their own preferences, says Johnson.

“Ask them, ‘How do you like to receive feedback? What works and what doesn’t work for you?’” she says.

“And then, flip the question and ask, ‘What are your pet peeves when it comes to feedback?’ And they might say they dislike when someone gives feedback in front of a group of people, or when someone says, ‘We need to talk,’ without any context.” 

By recognising their own preferences and triggers, leaders will be better equipped to manage their reactions and approach what’s being said with a curious mindset.

3. Building the ‘self-reflection muscle’

The ability to take feedback on board isn’t just a skill for leaders – it’s something everyone in an organisation, including HR, should actively practise.

“When we work with organisations, everyone asks to learn how to give feedback. But very few people ask to learn how to receive it,” says Johnson.

“If you can create an organisational culture that is receptive to feedback, you make the giver’s job way easier. If we can, for a second, stop focusing on how to give feedback and train every person in how to receive it, then feedback becomes much easier and more straightforward.”

Johnson refers to this as building the “self-reflection muscle”. One of the most powerful coaching tools she uses to achieve this is to help people separate facts from assumptions. 

“The issue with feedback is often not what the person said – it’s the meaning we assign to that that is problematic. And so, in order to get better at receiving feedback, they have to build that self-reflection muscle.”

By asking, ‘What actually happened, and what am I making it mean?’, leaders can begin to see how their own interpretations – rather than the feedback itself – are what drives their defensiveness, she says.

When HR helps leaders build that level of awareness, feedback becomes less threatening, more actionable and more meaningful. 

Ultimately, feedback isn’t just about performance – it’s about connection, trust and growth. When leaders learn to receive it with openness, they model the kind of curiosity and resilience that strengthens the organisation as a whole.

Feedback is vital for growth, but it’s often one of the hardest conversations to have at work. AHRI’s Difficult Conversations short course teaches practical strategies to help you manage challenging or sensitive discussions while keeping relationships strong.